Trust is a hard thing. Not just for me, but I think we can all identify with the difficulty of putting absolute reliance and faith into something.
David and I loved to ski. Wait, let me re-write that. David loved to ski. I simply strapped on my boots and layered up in warm clothes with an afternoon cocktail to simply support the passion where he felt the most freedom. I had no TRUST in David when he first taught me to ski. It actually led to a lot of words that wouldn’t be appropriate for a faith based blog as he carried me down the black, I mean bunny hill.
I remember once after I had taken years of lessons, we made it to an all too familiar area of moguls and blacks. There, we followed down a group of skiers. This was not an ordinary group. They had a ski instructor. Their guide, their leader. But, they also had on bright yellow vests. They could be seen from miles away. There read on the back of their vest….blind skiers. David was so amazed at these individuals being led down a black slippery slope by someone they met that day, not being able to see anything but black terrain in their eyes, but instead feel wind, chill and snow………….that his staring got the best of him and he hit a tree:)
I remember thinking about the trust these people had. To see nothing but black. To trust someone so much to lead them down something so big. Yet there I was. I could see and I still didn’t trust an ounce of David that our next turn wouldn’t be off a cliff or into a row of trees waiting. I was in love with my guide and I had less trust than those skiers who had just met theirs.
How many of my ski adventures ended with David……
As I walk the journey of loss, single parent hood, relationships, faith, I always think back to that group of skiers. I have never been able to have absolute trust in something. When I see the black, I use my own eyes to find the way out. When the slope gets slippery, I take the reins for myself and from others.
Living life and seeing, no matter how much I drag my feet on the way, I realize how much I am not in control of things. I start to realize that no matter how hard I try to see through the black, I can’t with out my guide, my leader. Once I let go, I close my eyes, feel the wind, the chill, the snow, and I go down that slippery slope, following my guide, releasing my pride and realizing the beauty at the end. The peace. The finality of it all. The transformation made through that journey…….and I simply release.
I no longer look for the cliffs that may surround a choice. But know my guide, the Holy spirit, speaks truth in my heart and isn’t worried about the rocky terrain ahead. He knows the right way to get me down. To get me through. Because, once we get down, we realize the beauty felt despite the wind, chill and snow. Not what was seen, but what was unseen.
This video always makes me laugh. Parker’s desire as any boy to go higher and higher. A father saying, hold on. I am not going to take you too high. I know you aren’t ready for that. Just a little at a time…….my son.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life. Psalm 143:8
Taking Steps By Faith,