This past week I attended a writing/speaking conference. I laugh even writing that sentence! NEVER in my life did I think this would be the path my life would take. I was fine living life as a mom, wife and friend. I thanked God daily for the things I thought were blessings and shared how great he was because my life was good. God obviously had a different plan. One that many may not understand now, even myself, but I am grateful for in the long run.
The conference was put on by a prestigious Christian organization, Proverbs 31 Ministry. It was lead by bloggers with over a million followers, writers of numerous books and speakers that work to spread the love God has to offer across the country. So, I went to learn from the experts….. but instead…………I learned from a total different kind of expert.
They weren’t the ones leading the conference, although those ladies were awesome! They were the ones who sat next to me at the break out sessions, the ones walking in line for lunch or dinner, taking a bathroom break or getting some air outside as we overflowed with information. They were women with a story and my story had NOTHING on theirs. Whether it was twice widowed, abused for years by a spouse, or a mother who lost both her children at ages 3 and 13…… they had stories! They were experts on faith. They shared and I listened. They weren’t on a platform. They were siting right next to me. I left each conversation emotionally drained thinking…wow! I want their faith! I want to go through struggle like theirs and still be smiling at the end, saying I love Jesus! EEK! Ok, wait! Watch what you want?! Let me try that again!
I wondered…. Would I? Could I? Lord, I am no Job here! I am fearful. Would I doubt you? Would I trust you? I don’t know?
With that wonder, I recognized how important today is! My steps of faith shouldn’t be for an ultimate result or purpose. If I think they are, I am setting myself up for failure. My steps are to share with you how shaky I am and how fearful I am. What is my faith? I believe when there is loss, there is hope. I believe life is to be lived and shared. I have faith for the big plans God has for Audrey and Parker. I know I am not the perfect parent, but that is Ok, because God is! I have faith in a God that loves me. That forgives me. That shows me grace when I do not deserve it. I have faith that even though it seems this world is crumbling apart, God still has a heavy hand on the meaning of it all. I want to take the time to listen before I take the time to share. I want to have faith that there is purpose in today and stop searching for it in tomorrow.
This past week I made the commitment to do more of the listening and go to Africa with six other widows in October! EEEK! Conveniently, it falls right around the year anniversary when David united with his maker. Coincidence? I think not:) We will go and listen first and share God’s love second to widows who have lost their spouses to aids and combat. Those who know me……….. this is one bold step for this mama! Let the prayers begin! I have never been to another country that did not include staying at an all-inclusive hotel with lots of fun drinks in hand! I am praying for my heart to be opened. To go and not want to change others, but be changed instead. My prayer and hopes, for them to know they are loved by someone far greater who is carrying them along. I am praying for the anxiety and fear to subside as the news breaks of the Ebola spreading. I am praying for my safety and protection. Like I said, let the prayers begin!
Last night, as I tucked Audrey in bed……. she asked me what faith means. I started writing this blog a few days before. It challenged me as she has no idea about any of this blogging or writing. How did she even know my word was Faith? Coincidence? Ok God…I get it! The ultimate parent thing:) That’s you!:) My answer. Well, Audrey……..it’s to believe. To believe with all your heart no matter what. Her response………I believe mommy. And she rolled over. Peaceful and protected by the ultimate parent.
My journey continues with sharing our story. My faith is taken through little steps of living life by spreading love to others and taking bold steps in Christ…. but knowing the Ultimate reward is not always in the success or the result……….. but sometimes in the fight for faith in the wilderness of it all …..
1. When is your faith most tested?
2. Instead of searching for your ultimate purpose in life…………. find beauty in the purpose you were given for that day.
As I share, you share. Thank you for not only subscribing and sharing with others but for giving me the chance to hear your stories too! You inspire me daily!
Taking Steps By Faith,