Dana, how do you come up with the words each week? Actually, I don’t……..They pick me.
The beginning I shared my journey to take steps through words. When I need to see Glory, it brings hope. When I need patience, I ask for Trust. I am on this journey of life today, this minute. Only as I walk it, I ask to not walk alone but instead you to walk with me. This week the word my heart requires and needs is…..Fight. Fight to preserve pass the memory of the darkness that took habit in our home one year ago.
July 9th, 2013, a day of celebration. One year ago, the last time we celebrated David’s life. The last time we held on to hope. David’s tumor had come back a third time. How can this be? You looked at David and would have no idea he had 1/4 of his brain taken out and at the same time a golf ball size tumor taking residence in his brain. He was running 5 miles a day, skiing in Chile and the only cognitive effect was his loss of names. But, I am pretty sure he had that before the tumor:) The tumor back and his response……Let’s have a party! His reasoning…….there aren’t many days left. I don’t want to spend them sitting around, so why not a party?! We were stunned but we did it! A community came together, close to 200 people, all wearing green and celebrating David and the life he had that day! No facing reality, just facing fight and hope. But, it wasn’t a fight for healing. It was a fight for joy no matter the hell we were soon to experience.
That was the last time we held on to smiles like this. From that day on…….a spiral of 3 1/2 months of what I can pretty much say was exactly what we feared. But, we fought for quality….we continued on. From the ER visit, to the tumor taking every bit of personality from David. From wonderful friends coming and supporting our family to comforting and calming a man that had no idea what was going on. To nights of David’s endless confusion, to minutes of unpredictability. I was caretaker, I was mother, I was daughter, daughter in law, friend and someone who took it as a responsibility to be strong for everyone. I was fighting inside to keep my smile on. I was fighting to get through. I knew the end was near. I knew the beauty in the glory David would soon experience. My fight was to see that day. To get David as comfortably as possible to that moment of complete healing in Heaven.
Sadly, what I remember from David’s walk with Cancer is the last 3 months of it. As we approach the year…I plunge forward. Ready to go through it deep and come out at the end……taking a refreshing breath………saying I did it. I made it! But, I now tiptoe. I fight to not remember the bad, but remember the good. To remember the simple act of holding hands, that despite his personality loss he always made sure to do. I Fight to remember that no matter all the names he forgot, he always remembered mine. I fight to remember that because of family and friends, my children were shielded from what the Cancer had done. I fight to remember that although those 3 months were dark, they led to a day that David’s soul victoriously won in heaven. I look at today and see were we are. I fight to know the beauty of what’s to come in my life and the kids life. I fight to recognize the ways we will love deeper, laugh harder and enjoy more. This week as the memory of the spiral begins I fight……….
I often get asked how I do it? Do what? Stay so strong. I always remind other’s……..I am not strong!! I am simply surviving. My fight. To not let suffering….win! To not let it take away the joy in my faith. To not let it affect the relationships in my life. To instead, take it for its own run and use it to make me better. To allow it to show me when I am weak. To embrace those weaknesses when they are near and become stronger for it.
This week I decided to take the kids and visit the remission bell that the Team Hurst Memorial Funded. David never got to ring the bell, but many have and will in honor of him as they fight to not let Cancer take away their spirit. I was amazed at the beautiful plaque that was put up. What do you know! The picture used was not from the healthy David at 30 or 40…….but instead the one that was from the celebration, July 9th 2013, when he was months from dying. Why was that picture used? Because although he was dying……his spirit was fighting. His soul was alive!
There is not a more beautiful picture in anyone’s life then when our heart becomes more than what are bodies are.
1. Whatever your suffering is……find what you need to fight. Do you need to fight to see the good? Do you need to fight to embrace the sadness of it? Do you need to fight for just that day? Are you fighting for healing? For hope? For comfort? Find it and fight with your faith and your spirit and allow yourself to become stronger for it.
2. Secretly the kids and I have a dance party every morning in the car for the last 9 months. The song changes often, but the last two months we have listened to one song over and over. Live Like A Warrior ! I even have my friends jamming to this one on their bad days!
It is the adult version of Let It Go ( yes, it says Let it Go:))…….. Find your song…….use it to release and fight your suffering and not take away the spirit that lives inside you. As I tell Audrey…..dance it out!
Thank you for subscribing and walking this journey of honesty and hope with our family. Your prayers are comforting and I know many of you are covering Audrey and Parker daily in your prayers. The joy in their eyes is clear and I wanted to share, as your love and support for our family is one of the many ways we are blessed.
Thank you for subscribing!
Taking Steps of Faith,