Many asked me to send the title of the song I shared. Here it is. Story Teller, By Jamie Grace. Beautiful.
Many of you ask about who David was. Who he was as a father and husband. Sometimes I forget. Because it is easier to press it down below and try to forget how great something was. By no means was it a perfect marriage. But, the foundation was. That foundation is also what made him a great father. That is a part I will never forget.
A friend who works with hospice explained to me the different stages of grieving for children. This goes for death and divorce. Ironic how much divorce and death are paired up. They are different and unique in their own way, but I don’t know any easy divorce. It involves it’s own grieving journey.
As the friend shared with me the different stages, she explained it could have no relation on what is going in with your life. They just grieve. They grieve as they grow, as they change. It is nothing to change. It is nothing to worry about. It is just something to allow. Something to lean into. Something to use for them to be better for it.
Last night in the middle of the night, I heard loud crying from Parker’s room. Thinking he had a bad dream, I went in there to see what was going on. I walked in to big crocodile tears as he held on to his big daddy pillow that was made for him a few short weeks after David’s passing.
” Mommy I miss daddy so much”
” I know you do. I do too”
” I don’t like imagination”
” Because imagining daddy doesn’t bring him back “
” No, it doesn’t. Just always look at these pictures around you Parker and don’t imagine. But, remember instead. He loved you and still does. He is not far”
” How come I only knew him until I was 4?”
“Actually it was until you were 3 sweetie”
” You mean I didn’t even know him at 4?”
” I just want to be in 12th grade so I can die and go to heaven and be with him. Why do I have to be here”
” Daddy wants you here. But, most importantly, God wants you here. For mommy, for Audrey and for all the great God is going to do through you one day. You don’t get it now. And I don’t either…..but there is so much more joy to come”
I rubbed his back and he feel asleep….grabbing the pillow tight.
These are the moments that are the hardest. I don’t wish him not to experience the hurt. I pray he grows from it. It’s hard being patient as a parent, knowing that God has a beautiful picture he is painting, Parker just can’t see it yet. It is hard to understand how Parker grieves the most when he knew David the shortest. I am so thankful for the many people God has put in Parker and Audrey’s life. That have stepped up in a way that the bible calls us to. Every night I pray for their blessings. Their love is in abundance in our family and I have no doubt Parker and Audrey will grow up to be an example of that same love and faith.
I share with you a video that I shared with Parker. To help him remember……..it brought the biggest smile to his face. Laughter too…..at his silliness. We had the chance to do a video before David passed. One that included his wishes for our family. At the end the kids got to come down and he read them the book, Daddy Promises. What I learn about people is their words can mean one thing, but their eyes, their eyes tell it all. The way they look at you, the way they smile. You can tell if someone is genuine and in the moment.
Thankful for these videos……where we were in the moment.
David, Audrey & Parker ( to view video, also go directly to site)
Taking Steps By Faith,